


eddie is not his name xD

by alternateevak



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Richie Tozier, F/M, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Stanley Uris, Group chat, M/M, Multi, Richie Tozier and Mike Wheeler Are Twins, beverley marsh is the mvp, minor mike/eleven/will, richie tozier needs love and appreciation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-02-17 03:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alternateevak/pseuds/alternateevak
Summary: trashmouth : she said she wants to transfer me to derry physiciatrictrashmouth : helpmED's : im leaving class xDbillbo baggins : how are you textingtrashmouth : ngl idk at all





	1. Fucking Rodriguex

richie : trashmouth 

bill : billbo baggins 

ben : poen 

bev : bev the mvp 

stan : stab 

mike : spikey mikey 

eddie : mED's 

eddie is not his name xD 

trashmouth : i swear down 

 

trashmouth : i'm so fucking pissed 

 

stab : what now jesus 

 

billbo baggins : yeh im trying to study

 

trashmouth : nice to know my friends care about my wellbeingsss

 

poen : i care about ur wellbeingsss trashmouth 

 

poen : whats up? 

 

trashmouth : SEE 

 

trasmouth : somebody appreciates me :) 

 

trashmouth : so i was in Rodriguez's class 

 

billbo baggins : fuckin Rodriguez 

 

trashmouth : you dont even no wat he did yet 

 

billbo baggins : i hate him so much im so sorry 

 

stab : you feel sorry 

 

stab : like the emotion sorry 

 

stab : for richie tozier????? 

 

mED's : holy shit the worlds going to turn on it's axis trashmouth : :-)))) 

 

billbo baggins : shut up richie i'm only one your side bc i hate Rodriguez 

 

poen : let him keep talking guys!! 

 

poen : if he doesn't he'll never shut up 

 

trashmouth :  i feel

 

trashmouth : attacked 

 

mED's : shut up richie 

 

mED's : get ur story over w/ 

 

trashmouth : nice to know you love me ed's 

 

mED's : DON'T CALL ME THAT 

 

stab : who knew he was going to say that 

 

stab : over than richie 

 

billbo baggins : I 

 

stab : obv I duh 

 

trashmouth : woah stab used text lingo 

 

bev the mvp : I 

 

trashmouth : in all honesty tho 

 

trashmouth : I 

 

mED's : GUYS 

 

mED's : i hate you richie

 

trashmouth : you love me 

 

trashmouth : i'm your cinnamon apple 

 

trashmouth : ur honey bunch 

 

mED's : is honey bunch even in the vine 

 

poen : I'm not even sure 

 

poen : also I 

 

billbo baggins : ur late poen 

 

poen : look im in Rodriguez's class 

 

trashmouth : SO THATS WHY YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED VSYUDUHES 

 

bev the mvp : that's such an ugly keyboard smash 

 

trashmouth : idc  beaverly

 

poen : DO NOT 

 

poen : ATTCK 

 

poen : MY WOMAN TOZIER 

 

trashmouth : oh shit gotta bolt 

 

billbo baggins : xD

 

billbo baggins : no rich come bck i hav Rodriguez 5th 

 

poen : oh shit i have Rodriguex now 

 

poen : Richie come back i love you 

 

mED's : rodriquex 

 

bev the mvp : I'm in his class he shut his phone off and he's actually 

 

bev the mvp :  i think he might be 

 

billbo baggins : plz dont say it 

 

billbo baggins : its going to make me look like a bad sudent

 

bev the mvp : RICHIE TOZIER 

 

bev the mvp : STOP TAKING NOTES 

 

bev the mvp : AND TURN ON YOUR GODAMN PHONE 

 

mED's : his phone is off????? 

 

spikey mikey : he can't hear your screams 

 

spikey mikey : also hi i  just woke up

 

trashmouth : i hate you mike 

 

trashmouth : i wanna be in fuckin bed 

 

trashmouth : actually 

t

rashmouth : i'd rather be in mED's mom's bed tbh but my beds a close second 

 

mED's : omg 

 

billbo baggins : say I if you knew he would say that 

 

billbo baggins : I 

 

bev the mvp : I 

 

stab : I 

 

mED's : I 

 

poen : I 

 

spikey mikey : I 

 

trashmouth : MIKE 

 

trashmouth : I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME 

 

spikey mikey : i 

 

spikey mikey : amsorryrichiebutitstotallytrueshutupandtellyourrodriguezstory 

 

trashmouth : wow 

 

 

mED's : jesus mikey ur like his fav 

 

trashmouth : cut me some SLACK GUYS 

 

trashmouth : i am a tired huMAN 

 

trashmouth : anyways 

 

stab : i was in the class if y'all wanna know why Rodriguez is being a dick because Richie is never going to tell you 

 

stab : you** all*** 

 

billbo baggins : PLEASE 

 

stab : i never thought i'd say this but 

 

stab : i need rich 

 

stab : to y'know 

 

stab : be rich? 

 

stab : you** know**] 

 

trashmouth : glad to know somebody appreciates me :_))))) 

 

stab : i hate you so much dumbass 

 

stab : so  basically

 

stab : Rodriguez gave us these questions and started talking us through them 

 

stab : so he's talkin right and thrn richie goes 

 

trashmouth : SIR IM FINISHED 

 

stab : Me Tozier please take your seat and mantain that way 

 

trashmouth : but sir i finished the questions before you wrote them all down 

 

stab : Silence trashmouth 

 

poen : omg this is gold 

 

stab : DO NOT 

 

trashmouth : INTERRUPT 

 

mED's : and they say they hate eachother smh 

 

 

trashmouth : i need work loud mouth 

 

trashmouth : oh shit sorry sir 

 

trashmouth : WAIT I SWORE! xD 

 

stab : Me Tozier!! 

 

trashmouth : stan what do i do 

 

 

billbo baggins : i assume stan said shut up richie? 

 

stab : you assume  correctly

 

stab : mr tozier detention 

 

trashmouth : I'm sorry sir but i can't have detention this week 

 

stab why may that be 

 

trashmouth : my mum's dying 

 

stab : mr tozier isn't your mother always dying? poen : did he actually 

 

mED's : the fuck rodriguez 

 

trashmouth : i mean yeh but 

 

 

stab : fine then instead of detention i'll get you some fucking councilling 

 

trashmouth : it's okay sir i dont need either 

 

trashmouth : can i  just have some more maths? 

 

stab : THEN HE EMAILED THE COUNCILLER 

 

stab : NOW RICHIE HAS TO MISS ONE STUDY HALL A WEEK TO SEE HIS COUNCILLER 

 

mED's : omg richie

 

trashmouth : this is so much worse than dtenetION 

 

bev the mvp : wait ur tehre now??? 

 

trashmouth : yes asdhfrjekdjydhfg 

 

billbo baggins : omg 

 

billbo baggins : Mikle break him outta there

 

bev the mvp : THATS WHEREYOU WENTAS DGFERJD 

 

 

trashmouth : ur fighting me cause 

 

trashmouth : tnk u bill im so flattered u care about me 

 

mED's :  maybe we should  just leave him in councilling 

 

spikey mikey : sorry rich im not coming a mile into the perimeter of that school 

 

spikey mikey : sorry man 

 

trashmouth : she keeps asking me to talk about my feelings 

 

trashmouth : i'm like 

 

trashmouth : well im 15 and im a homosexual with a dying mother how does it get any better than that 

 

trashmouth : and she looked at me like i was crazy 

 

stab : A HOMOSEXUAL 

 

**stab** : I SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING AT RICHIE 

 

stab : BUT THATS SO FUNNY 

 

trashmouth : she thinks i need fygshjjyfg 

 

trashmouth : she said she wants to transfer me to derry physiciatric 

 

trashmouth : help 

 

mED's : im leaving class xD 

 

billbo baggins : how are you texting 

 

trashmouth : ngl idk at all 

 

billbo baggins : les break richie outta there 

 

trashmouth :  ily guyssss 

 

mED's : yeh we hate you 

 

mED's : i was in apush asshole let me stay in apush 

 

billbo baggins : lets all meet at the gudance counciller and be og 

 

bev the mvp : *cough cough* poen : hello? spikey mikey : i'll  just be friends with bev, ben and my eggos its okay 

 

trashmouth : my brothers girlfriend loves eggos so much 

 

spikey mikey : should i get your brother to pick you up trashmouth : no he's sick 

 

trashmouth : but only if you like  really want to 

 

trashmouth : i want some eggos as well 

 

spikey mikey : i'll pick you up and me you and your brother can eat eggos 

 

mED's : im coming too 

 

stab : me three 

 

Spikey Mikey isnt he the one in that band 

 

 

spikey mikey : witjh my name 

 

spikey mike : micheal tozier??? 

 

trashmouth : the upside downs???? 

 

trashmouth : they're so good ngl 

 

trashmouth : his girlfriuend can rap so well and his boyfriend is like the mother fucking mvp 

 

spikey mikey : goals 

 

billbo baggins : everybody at richie's for mike's eggos and his brothers sickness??? 

 

poen : lets ditch!!! 

 

bev the mvp : oh newbies :-((((( 

 

trashmouth : xD 

 


	2. You are a great person, Stanley :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trashmouth : thanks for exposing me guys  
> trashmouth : gr8 work  
> billbo baggins : it was bev all bev  
> bev the mvp shuT UP BILLIAM  
> billbo baggins : billiam  
> stab : billiam  
> trashmouth : BILLIAM  
> mED's : billiam!  
> trashmouth : i thought i was the only one who called you billiam man?  
> bev the mvp : OMG  
> bev the mvp : SHIP  
> trashmouth : ?????????  
> billbo baggins : excuse me???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much plot in a text fic i swear down
> 
> next chapter will be like extra light and fluffy and adorable bc this one was like just introducing plot xD

 

trashmouth : okay so richie is being a dick

trashmouth : come and tame him

trashmouth : pls

poen : eddie

billbo baggins : eddie?

stab : Eddie, next time please use your own phone?

mED's : its not me?????

trashmouth : xD

bev the mvp : hi mikle pickle

spikey mikey : MIKE TOZIER

trashmouth :: wheeler***

bev the mvp : tozier

bev the mvp : idc if you two have different dads

mED's : ur a tozier at heart

trashmouth : i should change it

trashmouth : but in respoinse to spikey mikey

trashmouth : MICHEAL HANLON

bev the mvp : this friendship :)

billbo baggins : what'd he do pickle?

billbo baggins : tell ur mother

 

 **mED's and billbo baggins**  


mED's : mother???

mED's : seriously???

billbo baggins : I'm not helping myself

mED's : ur not

mED's : still don't how you could like a richie tbh

billbo baggins : yes you do

billbo baggins : :-))))

mED's : Richie influenced you to give it noses stop

billbo baggins : the chat's quiet

mED's : mike#'s typing xD

 

  
**eddie is not his name xD**  


trashmouth :so he said he wanted to make pancakes and i was like sure bc Richie's pancakes arr gr8 u gotta be honest with me. and he may have like. burnt the kitchen kinda and if dad gets home and sees that hes gonna like kick us both out

trashmouth : richie's like trying to clean it obsessively and now i feel bad for saying yes to asking for pancakes :((((

trashmouth : he stil wants to make the pancakes as well

mED's : i'll come help you clean

mED's : i hate dirt and i love Rich

mED's : wait nvm

stab : Wow Eddie, expressing your love to his Brother.

mED's : NO

mEDs : somebody else has to express their love to his brother tho :)))

billbo baggins : who

stab : yeh who eddie

poen : stan had no caps this is serIOUS xD

mED's : nvm

  
**mED's and billbo baggins**

billbo baggins : that was a weird af fuckin excuse

mED's : shut up i was trying to help you and your fuckin polyamorous relationship!!!

billbo baggins : look

billbo baggins : me and stan are happilr married with a georgie

billbo baggins : we can surivive without a tozier

mED's : but can you ????

  
**stab and billbo baggins**  
  
stab : tell Eddie

stab : To stop EXPOSING us

stab : pls

billbo baggins : done and done my love  


**eddie is not his name xD**

billbo baggins : we'll all be over in like 10mins

bev the mvp : i'l bring smokes

stab : ew

mED's : ew

trashmouth : Richie smokes????

bev the mvp : OH SHIT

bev the mvp : ABORT

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
_12pm_

 **Pickle and Trashmouth**  
  
Pickle : you smoke???

Trashmouth  no ignore my friends xD

Trashmouth : bev smokes

  
  
**eddie is not his name xD**

trashmouth : thanks for exposing me guys

trashmouth : gr8 work

billbo baggins : it was bev all bev

bev the mvp  shuT UP BILLIAM

billbo baggins : billiam

stab : billiam

trashmouth : BILLIAM

mED's : billiam!

trashmouth : i thought i was the only one who called you billiam man?

bev the mvp : OMG

bev the mvp : SHIP

trashmouth : ?????????

billbo baggins : excuse me???

trashmouth : he is happily married with stan

trashmouth : They have done the do so many times that their parents are probably going to test them for STD's ngl

billbo baggins : BEEP BEEP RICHIE

stab : BEEP BEEP RICHARD

stab : but srsly thnks for standing up for us

trashmouth : i'm standing up for stenborough

trashmouth : and you used lower case to thank me!! You are a great person, Stanley <3

stab : woah

stab : did he just

billbo baggins : wowza  


**Look breathe okay**  
  
dad : richie

dad : why is the kitchen like black?

trashmouth : how do you know it wasn't mike

mom : mike?

mom : did you burn the kitchen?

pickle : no but like he only burnt the kitchen makibg me pancakes and then we cleaned it up

trashmouth : is that okay?

dad : fine but richie has to make breakfast for his mother tomorrow

pickle : how does richie cookng for mom help the situation

pickle : plus we don't have enough food for richie to make breakfast???

trashmouth : of course dad

trashmouth : i'll just go to the store and buy some stuff

dad : good

pickle : i don't get how this solves the problem??

trashmouth : give up mike, i can cook for mom it's okay

pickle : no it's not ur 13

pickle : u shouldn't have to cook

trashmouth : ur 13 as well??

pickle : and i don't have to cook case closed

pickle : richie isn't cooking for you

pickle : besides he has movie night with the denboroughs :))

  
_**pickle removed richie from the groupchat**_  
  
_**pickle left the groupchat**_  


mom : those boys

dad : just let them go to the denboroughs

dad : mike can just do some cleaning when he gets back

dad : and i know how you like richie's cooking

mom : make sure he brings me my bottle to go with the food

dad : of course dear  


**eddie is not his name xD**  
  
trashmouth : EDS MY MAN

mED's : don't call me that

mED's : yes

trashmouth : would you be so kind to hang with me at the barrens

trashmouth : me and mike ***

billbo baggins : im offended

trashmouth : can mike come to move night? i know its sacred but like

stab : go for it

spikey mikey : i'm always at movie night

trashmouth : not that mike jesus

bev the mvp : im coming to barrens and we cab smoke?

trashmouth : i swear i just said i'm with mike?

trashmouth : does nobody listen to me?

stab : We are texting

trashmouth : i yelled it as well

 

  
**pickle and billbo baggins**  


pickle : richie just yelled im with mike what's his deal

billbo baggins : who knows

billbo baggins : honestly idk

 

  
**eddie is not his name xD**

trashmouth : see you at movie night and no smoking bc of mike

mED's : i swear he thinks ur an angel

billbo baggins : he is an angel

trashmouth : :-)

billbo baggins : just not a very good one

trashmouth : :-(

stab :  Shut up, Richie

trashmouth : "We are texting"

stab : Again, Shut up, Richie.

trashmouth : oh stan deary i am wounded

trashmouth : i thought you loved me i am

trashmouth : heartybroke

stab : "heartybroke"

mED's : HEARTYBROKE

billbo baggins : hearty broke?

poen : heartybroke?

spikey mikey : heartbroke

bev the mvp : heartybroke

trashmouth : i am being attacked

trashmouth : i take back my offer i'm staying with mike xD

trashmouth : see y'all at movie night

trashnouth : oh and billiam mike will be leaving half way through movie night so it's still sacred i

trashmouth : think he's going to will's?

billbo baggins : see you all tonight

trasmouth : xD suckers

 

 


	3. ALEXX THE LION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spikey mikey : Richie i have eggos tell your brother and his polyamorous relationship to come to mine  
> trashmouth : my brother  
> trashmouth : is being favoured?????  
> spikey mikey : i still love you richie i swear  
> spikey miey : your brother is just so much cooler  
> poen : can we go back and talk about drunk stab  
> poen : pls

trashmouth : last night was a wonderful ocasion

stab : no

stab : It wasn't

trashmouth : you enjoyed yourself

trashmoth : i have proof :-)))

billbo baggins : ALEXX THE LION

stab : NO

stab : That D I D  N O T  H A P P E N

trashmouth : [AlextheLion.mp4]

stab : Fuck you Richie

mED's : wait i missed that

mED's : where was i???

bev the mvp : xD

bev the mvp : Eddie you fell asleep on Richie's lap

bev the mvp : you said he was 

poen : a cuddly teddy bear xD

stab : WAIT HE DID

billbo baggins : yeh 

trashmouth : yeh Eds it was kind of adorable

mED's : im not adorable

mED's : and don't call me ED's smh

trashmouth : you love it really

mED's : no i don't

stab : yes you do eddie 

billbo baggins : you do

spikey mikey : you really do

  
_**bev the mvp changed mED's name to liar** _   
  


liar : i feel betrayed

billbo baggins : that's something Richie would say

stab : actually

stab : It's something Richie's brother would say

stab : and something Richie picked up from him

liar : that's true

trashmouth : i agree

spikey mikey : Richie i have eggos tell your brother and his polyamorous relationship to come to mine

trashmouth : my brother

trashmouth : is being favoured?????

spikey mikey : i still love you richie i swear

spikey miey : your brother is just so much cooler

poen : can we go back and talk about drunk stab

poen : pls

trashmouth : let's

trashmouth : i have more videos??

stab : No 

stab : Fuck Off Richie

trashmouth : sorry stab can't do that :-))) Eddie's mom would get jealus

stab : That doesn't even

stab : beep beep richie

billbo baggins : beep beep richie

liar : beep beep richie

bev the mvp : i laughed whoops

poen : BEVERLEY

poen : YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR SIDE

bev the mvp : I can't leave rich alone w/ his mom jokes!!! 

trashmouth : thank!! you!!!

trashmouth : back to drunk stab

stab : why was it you all call me Stab again?

trashmouth : well

trashmouth : [stab.mp4]

bev the mvp : my aunts in the room

trashmouth : "Stan the Man!! How are you on this fine evening?"

billbo baggins : "M'good Rich."

trashmouth : "Why'd you climb through my window?"

billbo baggins : "Welll, i thought i was going to Bill's house"

trashmouth : "You were going to kiss him"

bilbo baggins : "No never. I love Bill so much Richie if i kiss him he's going to stab me"

trashmouth : "He's not going to Stab you Stab jesus"

billbo baggins : "You're no HELP, Trashmouth"

trashmouth : "Go to sleep, stabby the man"

poen : then Bill cackles bc they were both drunk and Bill filmed the whole thing

stab : WAIT

stab : I CONFESSED MY LOVE TO BILL WHILE I WAS DRUNK

stab : AND I  FORGOT

billbo baggins : OMG ASDGFRHUIDUY

trashmouth : trashmouth tozier, love wizard and nickname genius

liar : i beg to  d i f f er

liar : i still don't understand the stab thing

poen : eddie

spikey mikey : Stab said bill would stab him you get that

liar : yehhh?

spikey mikey : and then Richie accidently started calling him stab

bev the mvp : "stabby the man"

trashmouth : I was drunk

stab : so was i

bev the mvp : we all were

billbo baggins : wait richie

billbo baggins : how did you get that video????

trashmouth : Well

trashmouth : you like sent it me dude

billbo baggins : did i send you anything else

trashmouth : you singing w/ mike, will, lucas and dustin

billbo baggins : srsly

bev the mvp : SEND

poen : i need this in my life

spikey mikey : do you mind bill

spikey mikey : i mean i still wanna see it

liar : i wanna see it as well

trashmouth : [billandtheupsidedowns.mp4]

stab : that is

stab : amazing

poen : when bill starts rapping.

bev the mvp : "my name is bill and i wish i was in the upside down"

billbo baggins : i hate you guys so much

billbo baggins : i was drunk

trashmouth : yeah well mike wasn't xD

billbo baggins : is mikle ever drunk?

spikey mikey : yes asdfrhfudygdfh

trashmouth : that joke isn't funny any more mikey

liar : none of your jokes are funny anymore Richie

liar : can somebody pls change my name

bev the mvp : NO

bev the mvp : HE STAYS A LIAR FOREVER

liar : *sighs*

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**3am** _   
**Pickle and Trashmouth**

pickle : i'm a will's are you at Bill's

trashmouth : yes dummy

trashmouth : im not gonna be at eds am i

pickle : gggggggggg

pickle : i h8 u

trashmouth : u dnt hav to chck up on me

pickle : y'know that rght????

trashmouth : wht

pickle : im older i check on u all the time

trashmouth : stfu

pcikle : c u rich

trashmouth : goodbye pickle

  
**eddie is not his name xD**

liar : i hate you all

liar : especially richie

trashmouth : just because i pushed you

stab : You sound like it doesn't matter Tozier

trashmouth : he! can! swim!

liar : my mom is going to have an aneurisym 

poen : i dont think thats how thats splet

liar : we're texting who cares

poen : me

liar : not the point

liar : richie blantently tried to kil me 

trashmouth : i did not!! 

trashmouth : i would never touch my baby boy

bev the mvp : fucking shp it

billbo baggins : dont we all 

spikey mikey : i know i ghost a lot but jesus guys you really need to stopbeing intresting 

trashmouth : haha 

  
**reddie support group**  
  
billbo baggins : can we talk about this content pls

bev the mvp: already ahve screenshots

poen : b a b y

spikey mikey : b o y

stab : they are my everything

stab : other than bill and georgie ofc 

  
**eddie is not his name xD**

billbo baggins : speaking of georgie he ships reddie who else has a brother like that

stab : BILL

billbo baggins : OH SHIT

trashmouth : ????????????????

liar : ??????????????

bev the mvp : Bill exposed us

stab : Bev used caps . Thank You.

 

**stab and trashmouth**

trashmouth : explain???

stab : ugh

stab : dont tell bill i promised

trashmouth : i cross my heart and hope to die

trashmouth : stick a needle in my already damaged eye :-))))

stab : okay 

stab : we have a gc

stab : called the reddie appreciation gc

stab  where we share "reddie" content and fangirl over you guys

trashmouth : i

trashmouth : am not even at all suprised

trashmouth : if were telling secrets

stab : go on

trashmouth : me, eddie and bill had a gc called the stan plan when we were trying to get you too together

stab : omg

stab : I didn't know you had anything to do with that!!!

trashmouth : bitch i did so much work 

stab : i actually love you right now

trashmouth : screenshot x500000000

trashmouth : ily2 stably

stab : and i hate you again

trashmouth : that lasted 

stab : it DID xD

trashmouth : you sued xD i feel......blessed

stab : Tell anyone and i'll kill you

trashmouth : secret safe w/ me stabley

trashmouth : secret safe w/ me

 


	4. [richiereadingthetorah.mp4]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trashmouth : i swear i didn't steal all of your food  
> trashmouth : i stole Bev's ciggerettes and alcohol  
> trashmouth : i stole stan's spare kippah and pretended i was jewish  
> stab : that was funny   
> stab : he actually did as well though , he read a passage from the torah really poorly  
> trashmouth : i  
> trashmouth : tried  
> stab : my dad thinks richie is jewish now as well  
> stab : so he actually likes richie????

trashmouth : happy hannukah

stab : thanks rich

stab : merry decemember

liar : stan gets a happy hannukah but we don't get a merry christmas

billbo baggins : i regret sharing my turkey

liar : so do i

stab : wait he went to your houses as well

bev the mvp : he came to mine as well

bev the mvp : we smoked with my aunty and drunk some VK'ssssssssss

liar : omg

stan : he came to mine as well

trashmouth : i swear i didn't steal all of your food

trashmouth : i stole Bev's ciggerettes and alcohol

trashmouth : i stole stan's spare kippah and pretended i was jewish

stab : that was funny 

stab : he actually did as well though , he read a passage from the torah really poorly

trashmouth : i

trashmouth : tried

stab : my dad thinks richie is jewish now as well

stab : so he actually likes richie????

mED's : god decemember is a mess

mED's : we also missed thanksgiving????

stab : i

stab : am

stab : not

stab : finished

stab : [richiereadingthetorah.mp4]

billbo baggins : that is gold

bev the mvp : almost better than the turkey mike gave my aunt

spikey mikey : i am a vegetarian i didn't want to give you my turkey

billbo baggins : he lives

stab : he's at mine w/ me and rich

spikey mikey : truth

billbo baggins : i feel betrayed

mED's : im here now as well

stab : omg sorry eddie

mED's : i'm stood outside let me in

mED's : nevermind richie came to the door

mED's  : why is richie wearing a kippah and cooking w/ your dad stab

stab : whAT

mED's : i'm laughing so much

stab : i need to see this

spikey mikey : me too

billbo baggins : film it i need to see it as well

bev the mvp : i second that

trashmouth : shhhh im trying to coOOK

trashmouth : Rabbi Uris is the nicest human alive

stab : he'd adopt you now you know that right

trashmouth : I'd totally take you up on that offer if i didn't have a mike

mED's : where is he btw

spikey mikey : stood next to you

spikey mikey : :-)))))

mED's : oh my god

mED's : i meant mike wheeler

billbo baggins : [english accent] president 

bev the mpv : of Derry's

poen : own

mED's : AV

stab : club

trashmouth : whats this i can't hear you over your  s t u p id i t y

mED's : that is such a stab thing to say

billbo baggins : don't turn into stan i already have one of those

stab : i feel

billbo baggins : betrayed?

billbo baggins : attacked?

billbo baggins : that's a very richie thing to say 

trashmouth : switching rolls for the holidays

stab : no we are not!!!

stab : richie stop cooking with my dad now

trashmouth : n e v e r

trashmouth : actually nvm ur mom wants to take me out for ice cream

stab : i hate him so much

spikey mikey : no you dont xD

trashmouth : also my idiot brothers at Will's house

trashmouth : don't stalk him he's already polyamorous enough

trashmouth : 8cough* stab *cough* bill *cough*

billbo baggins : im offended

spikey mikey : can i go visit ur brother and will i have eggos

trashmouth : you have his number???

trashmouth : u ask him

 

 **spikey mikey and pickle**  
  
spikey mikey : richie sed ur at will's

pickle : yes?

spikey mikey : i have eggos

pickle : come over

  
**eddie is not his name xD**

stab : mike just bolted out the door?

billbo baggins : i assume richie's brother said yes

spikey mikey : he did :-)

stab : enjoy ur eggos spikey

stab : and pickle

trashmouth : why do you all call him pcikle again

mED's : [pickle.mp4]

poen : OMG

poen : I MADE ONE SLIP UP

poen : WE WERE DRUNK

trashmouth : asfghdjfuygdhx

stab : "we have our very own spikeyyyyyyyy mikeyyyyyyyyy"

trashmouth : "and trashmouths president pickle"

billbo baggins : "WHOOPS I MEANT MICKLE"

bev the mvp : omg babe

poen : sorry??? xD

trashmouth : he loves being called pickle tho dw

poen : was richie just

poen : nice t ome?

trashmouth : merry christmas y'all my hannukah goal is to be a better richie

mED's : omg 

billbo baggins : that's a mood

 

_**billbo baggins** changed **trashmouth** 's name to **a better richie**_   
  


a better richie : this is a mood

mED's : nice one bill

stab : he's still trashmouth tho

 ~~mED's : my trashmouth~~               

                      _**[message was deleted]**_

mED's : a good trashmouth

bev the mvp : i screenshotted eddie you cannot hideeeee

mED's : fck u bev

a better richie : I'm a Uris now fuck pickle i love ur parents stab

a better richie : can they adopt me as a birthday present

stab : nope

stab : nopety nope nope nope

a better richie : y

a better richie : im a better richie now

stab : i'll only let my parents adopt trashmouth

billbo baggins : don't ask for him back  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
 _ **1am**_   
**a better richie and pickle**  
  
a better richie : BREATHE UR SMOEK INTO MY LUNGS

pickle : IN THE BACK OF A CAR WITH YOUY I STARE INTO THE SUN

a better richie : STILL NOT TO OLD TO DIE YOUNG

pcikle : BUT LOVERS HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING

a better richie : AND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHINGGGGGGGG

pickle : I CHASE UR LOVE AROUND A FIGURE 8 I NEED U MORE THAN  I TAKE

a better richie : YOU PROMISE FOREVER AND A DAY AND THEN YOU TAKE YOU AWAYYYYYYYYYY

pickle : WAYYYYY

a better richie : PLACE A KISS ON MY CHEEKBONE

pickle : THEN YOU VANISH MEIM BURIED IN THE SNOW

a better richie : BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME IM NOT ALONE

pcikle : BUT LOVERS HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING

a better richie : AND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHINGT

pickle : I CHASE UR LOVE AROUND A FIGURE 8

a better richie : I NEED YO UMORE THAN I CAN ATKE

picjkle : YOU RPOMISE FOREVER AND D DAY

a better richie : AND THEN YOU TAKE IT ALLA WAY

pickle : ay ay aya y

a better richie : yeh yeh yeh

pcikle : so lovers hold on to everything

a bbetter richie : and lovers hold on to anything

pcikle : SO LOVERS HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING

a better richie : AND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHING

pcikle : I CHASE UR LOVE AROUND A FIGURE 8 

a better richie : I NEED YOU MORE THAN I CAN ETAKE

pickle : YOU PROMISE FOREVER AND A DAY

a better richie : AND THEN YOU TAKE IT ALLAWAYYYYYYY

pickle : a mf bop

a better richie : you listen to some really gr8 tunes bro

pickle : i can send u my playlist

a better richie : we have the same playlist

pcikle : we have the same face

a better richie : thats releveant bc

pcikle : true

_**a better richie** changed **pickle** 's name to **figure 8 stan**_

 

figure 8 stan : i agree

_**figure 8 stan** changed their name to **figure 8 stan #1**_

_**figure 8 stan** changed **a better richie** 's name to **figure 8 stan #2**_   
  


figure 8 stan #2 : why am i 2???

figure 8 stan #1 : im older

figure 8 stan #2 : i hate you

figure 8 stan #1 : love you too lil bro

figure 8 stan #1 : see you at school tomorrow?

 

 _ **3am**_  
figure 8 stan #2 : when are we going home bc i dont want to

figure 8 stan #2 : the Uris' are so nice 

figure 8 stan #1 : soon

figure 8 stan #1 : have to make sure mom has puked her self to death

figure 8 stan #2 : and dad hasn't y'know burned the house down 

figure 8 stan #2 : is this normal?

figure 8 stan #1 : who cares about normal rich

figure 8 stan #1 : Jonathon told Will that normal doesn't matter beause who wants to be normal? nobody would ever do anything in the world if things were normal. If everyone was normal nobody would do anything meaninful in the world and tehre would be no new inventions and no great minds and we wouldn't be texting like this right now.

figure 8 stan #1 : being normal is overrated

figure 8 stan #1 : be urself rich, you dont need to be a better richie ur gr8 exactly who u are

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           _**figure 8 stan #2** left the conversation_  
  
  



	5. mike (hanlon) and the eggos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> figure 8 stan #2 : you just exposed yourself richie  
> figure 8 stan #2 : did you mean to  
> figure 8 stan #1 : this is gonna throw back on you i promise  
> figure 8 stan #2 : god i hate you  
> figure 8 stan #1 : love you too LIL bro

**pickle and the losers**   
  
figure 8 stan #2 : MIKE

figure 8 stan '2 : HANLON

spikey mikey : if anybody asked i've left the country

figure 8 stan #1 : that is mY LINE

figure 8 stan #1 : Richie breathe lil bro

figure 8 stan #2 : he actually

mED's : what happened richie

poen : i s2g

poen : how do you not kNOW YET

bev the mvp : MIKE AND THE EGGOS

figure 8 stan #2 : actually

figure 8 stan #2 : its 

figure 8 stan '2 : mike (hanlon) and the eggos

billbo baggins : shouldn't it be mike (hanlon) and the pickles

billbo baggins : also whats with the figure 8 stan thing

bev the mvp : i was going to ask that

figure 8 stan #1 : first of all

figure 8 stan #1 : we haven't made anything official yet eddie BUT we rlly like ur friend spikey over here

spikey mikey : :'-)

figure 8 stan #1 : and he's a lit tamberine player

figure 8 stan #2 : it's not even hard to play the tamberine

figure 8 stan #1 : be quiet trashmouth 

figure 8 stan #1 : as i was saying

figure 8 stan #1 : he's sooo good at playing the tamberine and he owns a lot of eggos

figure 8 stan #1 : me and the upside downs have decided to rebrand in honour of our new member

figure 8 stan #1 : and richie's pissed asfgdhfytrfud

bev the mpv : go figures

bev the mvp : i think mike being in ur band is more too do with the egoos but

stab : eggos

stab : Fuck, I was going to make fun of Bev for putting egoos but i typoed

mED's : now explain fiigure 8 stab pls

stab : FIGURE 8 STAB

billbo baggins : FIGURE 8 STAB  
  
 _ **stab**_ _changed their name to **figure 8 stab**_  
  
figure 8 stan #1 : this is going to be so confusing

figure 8 stab : i'm stab 

figure 8 stab : You're figure 8 STAN #1 because you are older than Richard

figure 8 stab : and the leftover is Richard

figure 8 stan #2 : gr8 to know y'all love me  
  
  
 **figure 8 stab #1 and figure 8 stan #2**  
  
figure 8 stan #1 : should we do it again

figure 8 stan #2 : I THOUGHT

fiure 8 stan #1 : my friends hate you so much but if you can be me better this time maybe we could actially do it

figure 8 stan #2 : YES

figure 8 stan #2 : LETS DO IT  
  


_**figure 8 stan #1** changed their name to **figure 8 stan #2**_

_**figure 8 stan #2** changed their name to **figure 8 stan #1**_  
  
figure 8 stan #1 : im laughing

figure 8 stan #2 : i know  
  
 **trashmouth and the upside downs**  
  
figure 8 stan #1 : guys

figure 8 stan #1 : are we rehearsing after school?

figure 8 stan #1 : bc i stoe Richie's glasses again 

figure 8 stan #2 : WAIT

figure 8 stan #2 : THATS WHERE THEY WENT

figure 8 stan #2 : I HATE YOU

duster : omg mike

lucas the mvp : i am totally down for rehearsing

willip : somebody tell hanlon

duster : mike get on it

dig dug stan : are me and el coming

telekinelsis : ofc

figure 8 stan #2 : ha you guys dont get a choice

figure 8 stan '1 : like Bev doesn't tell you guys what to do

figure 8 stan #2 : i hold my ground very well thank you very much

figure 8 stan #1 : **[richiecomplainingaboutbev.jpg]**

  
 **figure 8 stan #1 and figure 8 stan #2**  
  
figure 8 stan #2 : you just exposed yourself richie

figure 8 stan #2 : did you mean to

figure 8 stan #1 : this is gonna throw back on you i promise

figure 8 stan #2 : god i hate you

figure 8 stan #1 : love you too LIL bro  
  
 **pickle and the losers**

mED's : still need somebody to explain figure 8 stan

figure 8 stab : yeh me too

figure 8 stan #1 : well

figure 8 stan #1 : me and mike bopped at 4am this morning

figure 8 stab : yeh bc its totally going to be 4am in the evening Rich

figure 8 stab : i am fully aware of the abbreviations

figure 8 stab : WAIT THAT WAS MIKE

figure 8 stan #2 : im so offended

figure 8 stan #2 : you rlly thought mike was me

figure 8 stan #2 : i mean hes cool in some respects but like no

bev the mvp : im so proud of you all

mED's : Bill is so quiet today

figure 8 stan #2 : Do you want to understand figure 8 stan

figure 8 stan #2 : also it's bc i already txted Bill about figure 8 stan he has nothing to add to this conversation

billbo baggins : i hate you richie

billbo baggins : I was trying to be diSCREET

mED's : f u Bill

figure 8 stan #1 : anyways

figure 8 stan #1 : me and richie were bopping at 4am to figure 8 by ellie goulding

figure 8 stan #2 : BC HOW COULD YOU NOT

figure 8 stan #2 : BREATHE YOUR SMOKE INTO MY LUNGS

figure 8 stab : IN THE BACK OF A CAR WITH YOUY I STARE INTO THE SUN

figure 8 stan #1 :   STILL NOT TO OLD TO DIE YOUNG  

figure 8 stan #2 : BUT LOVERS HOLD ONTO EVERYTHING

mED's : i'll leave if you keep going richie

figure 8 stan #2 : I CHASE UR LOVE AROUND A FIGURE 8

figure 8 stab : I NEED YOU MORE THAN I CAN TAKE

mED's : *sigh*

spikey mikey : is it safe

figure 8 stan #1 : It's safe

figure 8 stan #2 : i wont attack you i promise dudes

figure 8 stan #1 : promises are held high in our family 

spikey mikey : good

spikey mikey : bc

spikey mikey : CAUSE LOVERS HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING

spikey mikey : AND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHING

spikey mikey : SO LOVERS HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING

figure 8 stab : AND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

figure 8 stan #2 : AND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGG

figure 8 stan #1 : ND LOVERS HOLD ON TO ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

  
 _ **figure 8 stan #1** changed **spikey mikey** 's name to **spikey figure 8 stike**_  
  
spikey figure 8 stike : i love you 

spikey figure 8 stike : we are doing that song at our nextshow

figure 8 stan #1 : MIKE(HANLON) WITH THE EGGO LOVING FIGURE 8 STANS

poen : that's one long as band name

poen : be poetic

poen : and try to be sneaky lie richie and mike are right now

spikey figure 8 stike : what

figure 8 stan #1 : HOW DID YOU KNOW

figure 8 stan #2 : IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE

bev the mvp : i knew as well i just didn 't wanna say anything its funny watching figure 8 stab and stike trying to figure it out

figure 8 stan #1 : mED's

mED's : *sighs*

mED's : hi richie

figure 8 stan #1 : WTF ASDTYYHFRGUFYD

figure 8 stan #1 : IS THAT POSSIBLE

figure 8 stan #2 : IDK

figure 8 stab : SRSLY GUYS

figure 8 stab : YOU DIDN'T DO IT AGAIN

spikey figure 8 stike : SFGDHEYDHSJKYXFTYGDRUF

spikey figure 8 stike : i hate you

 

 _ **figure 8 stan #1** changed their name to **figure 8 strashmouth**_  
  
spikey figure 8 stike : omg 

spikey figure 8 stike : richie how are you so cREATIVE

figure 8 strashmouth : also ur band should be called the mikes and the eggo 8

figure 8 strashmouth : just saying

 

_**figure 8 strashmouth** changed **figure 8 stan #2** 's name to **figure 8 stickle**_

_**figure 8 strashmouth** changed **mED's** 's name to **figure 8 HEDSTER**_

_**figure 8 strashmouth** changed **poen** 's name to **figure 8 benccepter**_

_**figure 8 strashmouth** changed **bev the mvp** 's name to **figure 8 beverletter**_

_**figure 8 strashmouth** changed **billbo baggins** name to **figure 8 billsecret staggins**_   
  


figure 8 billsecret staggins : less create

figure 8 stickle : also we decided on mike (hanlon) and the eggos

figure 8 strashmouth : gr8


	6. bills birthday bashington

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> figure 8 strashmouth : i stan georgie so much  
> unknown number : oh so do i  
> unknown number : i mean he's so cute right!!!  
> figure 8 strashmouth : i know!!  
> figure 8 strashmouth : wait a second  
> figure 8 strashmouth : who the holy fuck are you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the extra characters in this chapter are two of my friends from a gc so if ur here hi enjoy and everyone else enjoy as well asgdhruyhgdf

_**figure 8 strashmouth** added **figure 8 HEDSTER, figure 8 stike, figure 8 stickle, unknown number , unknown numbe** r and **figure 8 stab**   to  **bill's b-day bashington**_   
  
figure 8 strashmouth : so

figure 8 strashmouth : it's bill's big b-day bash

figure 8 stab : okay

figure 8 stickle : why am i here

figure 8 strashmouth : shush you'll find ouT

figure 8 strashmouth : we all know how well Bill's birthday bash went last year

pgure 8 HEDSTER : oh god dont remind me

figure 8 stike : Bill was more scared than Georgie

figure 8 stab : Georgie laughed i mean

figure 8 strashmouth : i stan georgie so much

unknown number : oh so do i

unknown number : i mean he's so cute right!!!

figure 8 strashmouth : i know!!

figure 8 strashmouth : wait a second

figure 8 strashmouth : who the holy fuck are you

unknown number : your emotional nightmare

unknown number : that is highly true

figure 8 stike : IS TEHRE 2 OF YOU 

figure 8 stickle : RICHIE WHAT DID YOU DO

figure 8 strashmouth : I TYPED THE WRONG NUBERS FOR BEN AND BEV

figure 8 strashmouth : MY PHONE IS RLLY OLD I CANT SAVE CONTACTS

figure 8 HEDSTER : that is true

unknown number : there is two of us that is correct

unkown number : im the richie to her eddie

unkown number : ashdcruiyfjhdgh

figure 8 HEDSTER : what

figure 8 strashmouth : i 

figure 8 strashmouth : am so

unkown number : told you 

unknown number : she's an emtional NIGHTMARE

figure 8 stickle : at least somebody sees it

figure 8 strashmouth : shut the fuck up mike 

figure 8 stike : :-((((

unknown number : like she said

unknown number : emotional nightmare

unknown number : i feed on your sadness

figure 8 strashmouth : it's pennywise all over again

figure 8 stike : do noT REMIND ME

figure 8 stickle : i'm still confused 

unknown number : whats a pennywise

unknown number : is it fun

figure 8 strashmouth : i mean

figure 8 strashmouth : he's a scary birthday clown 

unknown number : i'm not a clown

unknown number : i feed on sadness not fear 

unknown number : yo i dont know you guys but you should follow my instagram

figure 8 strashmouth : whats ur @? @/ifeedonsadness

unknown number : wrong person

figure 8 stickle : HOW IS HE

figure 8 stike : SUPPOSED TO KNOW

figure 8 HEDSTER : WHOS WHO

unknown number : calm

 

_**unknown number** changed their name to **aaron**_

_**unknown number** changed their name to **emily**_   
  


figure 8 strashmouth : no

  
_**figure 8 strashmouth** changed **emily** 's name to **pennywise**_   
  


pennywise : i told you i wasn't a clown waht asfgdhjruifjeh

pennywise : but just imagine if 

aaron : they dont deserve this emilyyyyy

pennywise : they totally do

pennywise : do you guys watch stranger things

figure 8 strashmouth : i mean of course

figure 8 stickle : im in stranger things

figure 8 strashmouth : stop bragging dumbass

figure 8 stike : ofc 

figure 8 HEDSTER : when richie makes me

figure 8 stab : "mkaes you"

aaron : im stopping this torture

aaron : before it starts

aaron : i want pancakes not the sadness of strangers

figure 8 strashmouth : things

figure 8 stab : im hungry ill have pancakes w/ you

pennywise : then get pancakes

aaron : i might

figure 8 HEDSTER : let's all go to Mike and Richie's and have pancakes

figure 8 strashmouth : nope

figure 8 stickle : nada

figure 8 strashmouth : also random dudes enjoy ur pancakes were gonna go we have serious matters to discuss

aaron : does have to do with pennywise

pennywise : and bill's birthday bashington

pennywise : by any chance

figure 8 strashmouth : how did you know

figure 8 stickle : i heard the sarcasm there

figure 8 stab :-)

  
 **eddie is not his name xD**  
  
figure 8 billsecret staggins : im changing my name  
  
 _ **figure 8 billsecret staggins** changed their name to **billbo baggins**_  
  
billbo baggins : thats better

billbo baggins : where are y'all

figure 8 strashmouth : bopping at mike's with pancakes

figure 8 stike : richie text a wrong number and we met a person like pennywise

billbo baggins : fuckin

billbo baggins : nO

billbo baggins : did they "feed on ur feed"

figure 8 strashmouth : no sadness xD

figure 8 HEDSTER : im going to assume they were joking

figure 8 stike : they also called richie and eddie out after like 5 seconds

billbo baggins : the pining?

figure 8 stab : the pining

billbo baggins : why wasn't i there

figure 8 strashmouth : i was trying to add you, bev and ben

figure 8 strashmouth : to a ellie goulding stan gc

figure 8 strashmouth : you i accidentally typed eddie's number an d the n the wrong numbers were bill and bev

billbo baggins : true

billbo baggins : also mum says come home bc tea's nearly ready

figure 8 strashmouth : i'm a stans??? 

billbo baggins : oh FUCK I FORGOT

figure 8 stab : i'm so proud

figure 8 stab : my dad rlly loves richie atm 

billbo baggins : so do my parents he's so polite to them?

billbo baggins : like since when

figure 8 stab : ikr

figure 8 HEDSTER : he's awful to my mum

figure 8 strashmouth : your mum deserves it full offence she's a bitch and needs to calm the hell down and as soon as i get out of my hell whole im egtting you outa yours as well

figure 8 stab : i stan

billbo baggins : i stan

figure 8 stike : i stan

figure 8 HEDSTER : where's ben and bev

figure 8 strashmouth : they could be anywhere but i highly assume they're doing dirtyu things in bev's basement

billbo baggins : ew tf

figure 8 strashmouth : don't pretend you haven't had a fivesome in the basement

billbo baggins : i havent

figure 8 strashmouth : you totally did 

figure 8 strashmouth : mike told me he's bad at secrets

figure 8 stike : i feel

figure 8 stike : violated???

figure 8 strashmouth : nOT YOU ASGDHURIF

billbo baggins : we didn't??

figure 8 stab : IIII  feel violated

figure 8 strashmouth : i'm kidding but i know you all want to

figure 8 strashmouth : u dont have to pretend the two of you don't wanna date my brother and his girlfriend and boyfriend

billbo baggins : we dO NOT

figure 8 stab : Yeah, we don't

  
 **figure 8 stab and figure 8 strashmouth**   
  
figure 8 stab : i dont want the whole gc knowing

figure 8 stab : so be quiet please

figure 8 stab : i also dont want bill to know i told you

figure 8 strashmouth : your secret safe with me stabley

figure 8 stab : anything you y'know wanna tell me????

figure 8 strashmouth : i dont know what you're impying there stabley

figure 8 stab : a crush

figure 8 stab : maybe

figure 8 strashmouth : if your talking about eddie i got over that ages ago

figure 8 strashmouth : besides eddie's talking to this guy and he's really nice

figure 8 stab : u okay?

figure 8 strashmouth : told you im over it

figure 8 strashmouth : now lets eat stabley im hungry

figure 8 stab : ~~*sighs*~~

_**[not sent]** _


	7. you deadass forgot you chose your own name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> richie : stan  
> richie : being soft  
> richie : what a concept  
> beverly : a now canon concept  
> ben : i love this canon concept   
> eddie : how is it a concept if its canon??  
> stan : fuck you guys
> 
> [noBODY wants angst on fuckin new years eve but thats exactly what ur getting yoU'RE WELCOME]

**eddie is not his name xD**  
  
billbo baggins : im changing y'alls names back right now im so confused  
  
 _ **billbo baggins reset everyones names**_  
  
billbo baggins : okat thats better

richie : nO iT's NoT 

eddie : yeh no this is awful

eddie : i liked mED's better

stan : ew stan looks so ugly

stan : y'all dont even call me stan 

richie : that is incredibly treu

beverly : wtf is this

beverly : fuckon

beverly : "beverly"

mike : no

billbo baggins : omg no this is totally better

billbo baggins : y'all being "figure 8 stans's" was getting confusing

richie : STANS'S

eddie : bill he's never going to give that up again

stan : it'll be anotehr stab 

ben : this

ben : is

ben : ugly

billbo baggins : goD STOP ATTACKING ME

billbo baggins : i am suRROUNDED BY NEGATIVITY

richie : yeh ofc u are

richie : we just hate our names 

billbo baggins : you chose ur name wth

richie : si dsid not 

richie : that was stan

stan : no it wasn't

stan : it was ben

ben : bill it was fuckin you

billbo baggins : oh yeh

richie : you deadass forgot you chose your own name

billbo baggins : i aM Sorry

stan : Those capital's are ugly

stan : It's, I am sorry

billbo baggins : fuck you stan i hate you

stan : love you too honey

richie : stan

richie : being soft

richie : what a concept

beverly : a now canon concept

ben : i love this canon concept 

eddie : how is it a concept if its canon??

stan : fuck you guys

richie : now it's a concept again

richie : or not

stan : dont send it richie i swear to god i will throw you out the window

billbo baggins : YOUR STILL A STAN'S

stan : He didn't tell you?

billbo baggins : fUCKIN NO

richie : i swear i text you

richie : check ur messages dumbass

billbo baggins : omg you did as well

stan : I date the smartest man on earth

billbo baggins : omg 

bilbo baggins : do you guys see why i hate him

ben : guys

ben : it's new years eve

richie : omG IT IS

richie : y'all come to Stan's 

stan : im only allowing this because he used a capital letter

stan : and bc i miss you guys

billbo baggins : i'm kissing you at midnight and you don't get a choice

stan : i'd love to kiss you at midnight

mike ; can i bring my girlfriend

eddie : since when

richie : do you have

eddie : a girlfriend???

mike : i've been hanging w/ ur brother a lot 

richie : dont tell me ur dating the ginger 

eddie : max? 

richie : the ginger 

mike :wHy DoN't YoU lIkE hEr

mike : she's so much like you

eddie : i agree

mike : i also agree

billbo baggins : i agree

bev : i dont even know her and i agree

richie : she fuckin calls me four eyes 

mike : yeh well you call her a burning flame

bev : i'm offended

richie : okay but i love your hair bev idc what colour it is

bev : offence revocted

stan : Revoced*

ben : revoked*

stan : Fuck you.

richie : how dare you offend ben in this way

richie : his heterosexual self does not want to be involve with you this way

richie : go fuck Bill

stan : i honestly

billbo baggins : get ur ass over here right now richie tozier

richie : holy shit i thought y'all were coming to stan's???

billbo baggins : georgie just swORE

billbo baggins : Hi!! It's Georgie :-)

richie : YOU GIVE YOUR SMILEYS NOSES AS WELL

richie : GEORGIE YOU ARE MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

billbo baggins : idk what that means

billbo baggins : i do know that the smileys can't breathe unless they have a nose

billbo baggins : i like my smiley's living

mike : omg

stan : I

billbo baggins : :-0

bilbo baggins : :'-)

billbo baggins : smiley's are fun

billbo baggins : im back

richie : No i need more Georgie

eddie : jesus

richie : anyways back to whose coming to Stan's

mike : can me and the eggos come and El

billbo baggins : i would like that

stan : yes 

richie : of course you would

stan : riCHIE

richie : im just kidding chill jesUS

billbo baggins : okay who else is coming

eddie : There's this guy im talking to can he come

stan : umm what

billbo baggins : of course eddie

richie : yeh go for it

beverly : seriously eddie?

eddie : shut up beverly

stan  what's the mystery guys name?

eddie : jacob 

eddie : he's really sweet

ben : i'm so happy for you eddie

beverly : smh

stan : is it official yet?

eddie : not that i know of

beverly : good

mike : BEVERLY

eddie : omg i really like this guy bev

beverly : not as much as you like someone else

stan : are you talking about who i think you are

stan : bc if so he totally likes him back

richie : she's not talking about me if thats what your asking stan 

billbo baggins : omg he called you stan 

billbo baggins : is he okay?!?!

richie : i'm good

richie : totally excited to meet jacob

richie : gald ur happy eds

eddie : dont fucking call me that you douche

 **stan and richie**  
  
stan : i swear to god

stan : im boutta ask you the same question i've been asking you for months okay

stan : do you fucking like eddie?

richie : no

stan : richie

richie : stanley

stan : you dont have to lie

richie : hes gonna kiss this guy tonight isnt he

richie : and im gonna have to watch

stan : no nope and nope 

stan : i dont wanna see that look

stan : get ur ass upstairs i wanna hug you

richie : why?

stan : bc eddie's being a douche 

stan : he likes you so much 

richie : lies

stan : it's not though

stan : i dont fucking know what hes doing

richie : killing me thats what hes fucking doing

richie : and its okay as long as he's happy

stan : its! not! okay!

stan : because your unhappy

richie : im not unhappy

richie : its the end of the year i've not seen my parents in weeks and i have great friends why would i be unhappy

stan : fine emotionally effected

richie : i told you i dont like him

stan : but you dont want to see him kiss someone else

richie : no because i know this guy

richie : and he's not a good guy stan, he's been sleeping around for god knows how long and god i've slept with and so has mike and all this guy wants from eddie is sex and i want better for him

richie : he deserves to be with someone who cares about him and would look after him like he was the only person in the room and hold his hand like he meant, like just holding his hand makjes their heart warm and would look at him like he was the reason the whole world was spinning like he was the was reason you were breathing like he was the reason everything was going okay and he wasthe only thing that mattered because thats what he is

stan : someone like you?

richie : fuck no stan 

richie : he deserves so much better than me im a mess. Maybe all those things are true maybe i do look at him and think he's the only reason the world is spinning and maybe he is the only reason i'm breathing stanley! maybe im too codependant. i need something to stick becaus eim a mess and everythings a goddamn mess.

stan : thats not true

richie : i'm living at yours and bill's house!

stan : your not mess, your parents are a mess

richie : eddie deserves someone who can be there for him when he needs it stan

stan : thats exactly what you are rich

richie : i might need that hug now

stan : omw  
  


 **billbo baggins and stan**   
  
stan : fuck

stan : fuck fuckedy fuck fuck fuck

stan : fuck idk what to do bill 

billbo baggins : what's happening

stan : [stanandrichie'sconvo.jpg]

billbo baggins : holy fucking shit

billbo baggins : is he okay?

billbo baggins : do you want me to come over now?

stan : he's crying

stan : and i told him to take a shower and think about things but idk what to do

billbo baggins : nether do i 

billbo baggins : thing is eddie likes richie?

billbo baggins : he told me himself he's in love with him

stan : i know

billbo baggins : [eddietellingbillhelikesrichie.jpg]

stan : exactly

billbo baggins : im going to ask him wtf is going on bc i cant deal with them like this bc richie isn't going to talk to eddie and something bad might happen

stan : i know what you mean when richie gets upset he channels it through anger 

billbo baggins : exactly

  
 **billbo baggins and eddie**  
  
billbo baggins : i need an explanation right now

eddie : i like a guy so what

billbo baggins : what about richie

eddie : what about him

billbo baggins : he likes you

billbo baggins : and you like him

eddie : he doesnt like me

billbo baggins : oh god trust me he does

eddie : dont lie to me bill it's new years eve

eddie : im trying to put that stupid crush behind me okay

eddie : just leave it alone and figure out your own shit okay

  
 **eddie is not his name xD**  
  
beverly : you guys are so dead right now

mike : shut up beverly they're figuring shit out

richie : i have no idea what your talking about

richie : gotta run 

stan : of course he does

ben : new years eve has already failed and were not even at stan's yet

ben : i enver should've suggested this

eddie : no 

eddie : it's going to be a great new years eve

richie : totally


	8. woah he's pissed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> billbo baggins : richie hasn't gotten out of bed and he's supposed to go home tomorrow  
> richie : thanks for exPOSING ME  
> eddie : wait your going home?  
> richie : like you care  
> stan : richie  
> richie : stanley  
> stan : woah he's pissed

stan : that was one hell of a new years eve

billbo baggins : idk if it was good or bad

beverly : both

richie : bad

eddie : good

richie : oh says you

ben : guys

richie : sorry ben

mike : owah woah woah what'd i miss???

beverly : we do not speak of the bad on this years new years eve

richie : really?

beverly : richie shut up

ben : yeh richie we had a good time

beverly : ish

eddie : i loved it

eddie : jacob's an actual angel

richie : of course he is

billbo baggins : richie tozier

billbo baggins : deep breathes

stan : honestly my favourite part of the night was when richie punched jacob

eddie : stan!

stan : he totally deserved it

richie : t h a n k

richie : y o u

stan : You're welcome.

billbo baggins : i agree

billbo baggins : eddie we love you but he was an asshole

beverly : okay lets all breathe

beverly : no arguements

ben : i agree

mike : i agree

stan : we have to talk about it

billbo baggins : richie hasn't gotten out of bed and he's supposed to go home tomorrow

richie : thanks for exPOSING ME

eddie : wait your going home?

richie : like you care

stan : richie

richie : stanley

stan : woah he's pissed

stan : you got enough proof now eddie

eddie : i have no idea what you're talking about

richie : neither do i?????

billbo baggins : ugHHH 

beverly : jesus eddie just dont bring up j*cob and everything will be fine okay?

eddie : you want me to not brinbg up my boyfriend?

beverly : not infront of rich or i might i have to kil a bitch

richie : what

richie : no it's okay go on

richie : talk about your amazing boyfriend and how he's so sweet

stan : ???

stan : srsly?

billbo baggins : did stan just use text lingo?

beverly : omg he did

richie : i'm sO PROUD STABLEY

mike : my best friend is joining the drakside

stan : darkside*

stan : Plus, no.

billbo baggins : that looks so ugly ngl

stan : you're ugly

billbo baggins : :((((

stan : Your texting, not you :-)

billbo baggins : your smile looks ugly

stan : Your frown looks ugly.

mike : god i stan a soft ship

beverly : ^

richie : ^^

eddie : ^^^

ben : ^^^^

stan : I-

billbo baggins : We stan you guys too xoxoxox

billbo baggins : now richie get the hell out of bed my parents made pancakes and they want you to come eat

richie : not hungry

billbo baggins : do i have to come and drag you downstairs?

billbo baggins : nobody even spoke in the chat for 5 days because of new years eve are we going to address that

ben : we needed to cool down

beverly : richie and eddie needed to cool down

richie : i was cooled down, i cooled down when i got to punch that motherfucker round the jaw

billbo baggins : just come eat your pancakes trashmouth

richie : i'd rather eat your mum

eddie : that doesnt even make sense?

richie : yeh well you and jacob doesn't make sense either

mike : it was also bill's birthday yesterday and we did nothing

billbo baggins : it's okay guys everyone was stressed and me richie and stan went and got ice cream it was good

mike : you did???

billbo baggins : we did

stan : richie text me because he felt bad he was ruining bill's birthday 

stan : so i turned up

stan : and i bought ice cream

billbo baggins : seriously?

billbo baggins : i love you ,rich

richie : love you too honey bunches now is tehre any pancakes left im actually starving

billbo baggins : yES

billbo baggins : i kNEW YOU'D BREAK

beverly : go eat ur pancakes denbrough

richie : hah she lves me not u

beverly : that was addressed at both of you

richie : im a tozier wyd

stan : uris*

richie : not yET

ben : wiat that says yet

eddie : it does you can read

eddie : i'd like an explaination

richie : *sighs*

richie : basically the uris's offered to see what they could do so i could live with them and y'know become a uris

richie : it'd be a long process 

richie : bill already knows

richie : thats why im going home, i need to speak to mike but im p sure the byers offered to adopt him years ago and he never went because he doesnt want to leave me alone in the house

richie : so im not doing anything without asking him first

ben : hold up bill  already knows??

billbo baggins : he's half living with me??

eddie : why didnt you tell me??? 

richie : you were preoccupied

eddie : did you even try?

richie : yes i did actually and when i rounded the corner i saw you kissing ur little boyfriend so 

stan : that's true

richie : do not reveal the rest of the story

beverley : so richie might be an actual uris

mike : in like a year or so

mike : mike said he doesn't want to go home eitehr

richie : it's weird how you're friends with my brother

mike : you should talk to max, she moved out of her house to live w/ el and hopper bc her parents were assholes

mike : you too haqve a lot more in common than you think

richie : you want me to talk to ginger?

mike : yES

richie : wHY

mike : i tOLD YOU

  
 **mike, mike and the eggos**  
  
mike : i hate this max he really thinks you hate him

max: no he doesnt hes just being stubborn

figure 8 stickle : wait wait wait why isn't your name figure 8 stike anymore???

mike : bill reset them he was confused

figure 8 stickle : *sighs*

elgo : are we ever going to get an explaination for that?

dustinator : probably not

mike : we all stan figure 8 and richie's a loveale weirdo

wristrocket : explaination there you go

figure 8 stickle : i cant be the only one with this name

 

_**figure 8 stickle** changed their name ti **pickle**_   
  


pickle : tehre we go

mike : look you and rich are going home tomorrow right?

willich : wHAT?

elgo : home? why?

mike : they didnt know

mike : sorry

pickle : yes we are going home tomorrow we have some things we need to talk about

willich : my mum offered to set up an adoption service for mike again

pcikle : but u dont want to leave rich

mike : i dont wanna spoil anything but

mike : you wont have to leave rich

wristrocket : now i want and explanation

pickle : okay what??

mike : the uris'

pickle : omg

mike : odnt tell him i told you i think he wants to tell you but

mike : thats why me and max were suggesting he talk to her

pickle : i alraedy to her and she brought up fuckin zommer again

max : zoomer*

pickle : fuk you

mike : whats zoomer

dustinator : i wanNA TELL THIS ONE

pickle : go for it

dustinator : okay so when we first met max we were looking for my wierd pet thing called dart

dustinator : mike thought he'd fund dart so he rounded a corner and hit max in the head with a broom

max : still salty

dustinator : and max had her board on her for some reason? so she held her board up to hit him back and they both froze

pickle : hold up how do you know the details??

wristrocket : he watched security camera footage

dustinator : and mike sighed and ran out of the room into the gym and max boardd after him

dustinator : they started arguing and max was like "you dont want me in your party" and mike was like "correct" and max goes "wjhy not" and mike goes "because ur annoying" and then he goes "plus

we dont need anybody else in our party, i'm our pladin, dustin's our bard, lucas is our ranger, will is cleric and el's our mage!" and max questions the mage thing

dustinator : mike just laughs and then max goes "i could be your zoomer" and then max falls of her board

mike : okay? isnt that more embarassing for max?

el : should be

max : im actually their zoomer now

mike : im yELLING 

mike : MIKE

pickle : okay that wasnt the pOINT OF THIS CONVERSATION

pickle : i'll see you guys later, make sure richie doesnt get beat up again mike

mike : sure 

mike : i'l tell bill

pickle : bill and stan responsible for my brother

mike : right now yes agshhdyurf

pickle : good

pickle : i trust them 

mike : you should they're very trustable

el : trustable isnt a word

mike : i swear if you're likle stan im gonna bust a nut

el : stan? whats a stan?

mike : stan uris? my friend?

mike : neat freak uris

el : oH

el : yeh im not like him 

el : but he sounds cool can i meet him

max : you met him on new years eve?

el : whoops guess i forgot

mike : wow  
  



	9. and thats what you missed on glee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dustinator : whats happening  
> dustinator : i mean mike thats kinda random but thats  
> dustinator : so sOFT  
> wristrocket : nice one bro  
> max : zoomer just became softer  
> pickle : afgshdcfgytrgh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this chapters short and a mess and im also really sorry that i havent uppdated in over a month ive been really busy doing nothing !!!!!1! No really im sorry, i used to do daily updates but my plan is now to upadte at least once a week so i hope y'all are happy about that and i hope you enjoy this :-) also because the dates for them are the same for us i had to come up with something that could've happened over a month and half so you get more angst :-/ 
> 
> Okay thats all i have to say !!
> 
> Sam xoxox

**pickle** : i love you guys

**pickle :** like a lot

**willich :** we love you too

**el :** yeh??

**el :** we really love you too

**pickle :** like a lot

**dustinator :** whats happening

**dustinator** : i mean mike thats kinda random but thats

**dustinator :** so sOFT

**wristrocket :** nice one bro

**max** : zoomer just became softer

**pickle** : afgshdcfgytrgh

**pickle :** i just want y'all too know that

**pickle :** b4 i tell y'all that i need u to help me look for richie

**max :** what happened to him

**wristrocket** : is he ok

**pickle :** idk i think so??

**pickle :** eddie text me, saying something was up with richie on like idk

**pickle :** the 5th or 6th maybe???

**willich :** and then

**pickle** : then like apparently bill and stan haven't seen him in days and like

**pickle :** we need to find him real bad

**el** : the losers have been looking too?

**willich** : yeh im pretty sure they have they've been randomly around town all week i keep seeing them

**willich :** eddie looks really stressed

**max :** of course he is he loves richie he just doesnt want to admit it

**max** : is that weird ass jacob guy with them?

**wristrocket :** probably not, even we know having jacob tehre would make richie not want to come home even more

**pickle :** i miss him but he does this all the time at least we know he'll come back eventually y'know

**pickle :** usually he just needs time to cool off

**el :** i can find him

**pickle :** el you dont have to

**el :** no i want too

**el :** richie's absolutely amazing

**max :** cool?

**el :** cool?

**dustinator** : it means like amazing in a sense that they dont have to care y'know

**el :** then hes totally cool in

**el :** is cool a good thing

**max :** i guess

**el :** are we cool

**pickle :** no

**dustinator** : i think we're cool

**pickle :** most people woould disagree

**wristrocket :** yeh i dont think we're cool

**max** : who cares

**max :** i honestly couldnt care less whether im cool or not were all friends right

**el :** cool is overrated

 

**_richie_ to _eddie_**

 

**richie :** from wlaking homne and talking loads

**richie :** to seeing shows in evening clothes with you

**richie :** from nervous touch and getting drunk

**rcihie :** to staying up and waking up with you

**eddie :** richie??

**richie :** so come on let it go

**richie :** just let it be

**richie :** why dont u be u

**richie :** and i'll be me

**edie :** where the hell are you

**richie :** when everythings broke

**richie :** leave it too the breeze

**richie :** why dont u be u

**richie :** and ill be me

**eddie :** richie where the hell are you

**eddie :** richie??

**eddie :** come on you have to answer now

**eddie :** richie please

**richie :** do you seriously care anymore

**eddie :** why do you keep saying that

**eddie** : of course i care

**richie :** not the way i need you too care

**eddie :** just tell me where you are

**richie :** i dont know where i am i just kept walking

**eddie** : so you're actually lost

**richie :** no

**richie** : trying to push this problem up the hill when its just to heavy to hold

**richie :** think nows the time to let it slife

**eddie :** what does that even mean richie

**eddie :** come on just come home

_1 hour later_

**eddie** : rich?

**_eddie not his name xD_ **

 

**richie :** im fine

**billbo baggins :** riCHIE

**bev :** look who turned up from his very own void

**stan** : Is that what we’re calling it now?

**stan :** Whenever Rich disappears were going to say he left into the void?

**mike :** it works

**mike** : how was ur void rich

**richie :** yes

**ben :** yes?

**ben :** how does that even answer the question

**richie :** yes

**eddie :** oh look ur alive

**richie :** well duh

**richie :** otherwise I wouldnt be txting u moron

**eddie :** r u going to tell us where u are

**richie :** no

**stan :** He’s at my house.

**richie :** don’t blow my cover afsghdg6tffy

**billbo baggins :** u gotta come to mine soon my parents are freaked as fuck

**richie** : will do lemme just

**richie :** have a shower and shit

**stan :** You’re meant to be showering now you asshat

**richie :** xD

**richie** : idc

**billbo baggins :** as long as ur okay richie idc either

**mike :** I second that

**bev :** god fucking damn I third that right

**bev :** we cant have anything happen to you

**bev :** your my smoking buddy you cant leave me alone

**richie :** sOrRy

**bev :** iTs OkAy

**stan** : Random Caps are ugly stop.

**eddie :** did you jst capitalise “random caps”

**billbo baggins :** that’s my boyfriend everbody

**stan :** Shut up you love me

**billbo baggins :** sadly :-(

**stan :** shut up me and rich will be over asap

**billbo baggins :** see u soon

**stan :** kay xD

**bev :** you and richie need to stop xDing

**richie :** never xD

**stan :** Wow am I siding with Richie?

**ben :** no stan come back to us

**richie :**   ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**richie :** He’s joined my side now and there’s nothing you can do

**stan :** What? No Richie, I hate you.

**richie :** are you all hearing this complete and utter slander?

**mike :** I hear u rich

**mike :** stop being mean he just got out of his void

**eddie :** it’s not our fault he’s an idiot

**richie :** ouch

**ben :** and that’s what you missed on glee

**stan :** xD

**billbo baggins :** nO

**billbo baggins :** stOP

**stan** : No.

**stan :** also Richie hurry up and actually shower please.

_15 minutes later_

**richie :** screw you stan I was

**richie :** sHoWeRiNg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. the ice-cream shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> richie : moRnInG  
> mike : do you have to random caps everything  
> richie : yes  
> richie : yes i do  
> stan : No, you really don’t  
> richie : yEs i reALlY dO  
> billbo baggins : i agrEE  
> stan : Not you too, i s2g  
> ben : can y’all shut the hell up its like 5am

**eddie is not his name xD**

 

richie : moRnInG

mike : do you have to random caps everything

richie : yes

richie : yes i do

stan : No, you really don’t

richie : yEs i reALlY dO

billbo baggins : i agrEE

stan : Not you too, i s2g

ben : can y’all shut the hell up its like 5am

ben : me and bev are trYING to sleep

richie : well i was trYING to sleep but sOmEbOdY insULTED

richie : mY rAnDoM cApItAlIsInG

billbo baggins : i can clarify that would be stan

richie : smh

stan : random caps are ugly and unnecessary 

richie : ur unnecessary

stan : i hate u

richie : no u dont

stan : i cant believe u might be my brother

richie : mOtHeR truCkeR DudE

billbo baggins : tHaT hUrT liKe a BuTTCheeK ON A StiCK

bev : that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

richie : thAT HURT liKE a buTtcHeEk On A stICK

stan : i hate all of you

billbo baggins : u luv me

stan : sadly :-(

richie : u luv me 2

stan : no i dont

richie : iM oFfEndED

stan : good

 

**_richie_ ** **changed** **_stan_ ** **’s name to** **_the offender_ **

 

the offender : what

richie : its what u desERVE

bev : shUT THE HELL UP

richie : wE piSSed OfF the quEEN 

richie : rUn HIde

bev : i s2g richie if u dont stop sending messages i will find u and i will kill u 

richie : agReSSivE

bev : riCHIE TOASTER SHUT UP 

billbo baggins : toASTER

 

**_the offender_ ** **changed** **_richie_ ** **’s name to** **_toaster_ **

toaster : toasTeR i-

the offender : bev you really need to turn your autocorrect off

bev : but if i turn autocorrect off then everytime i type somethings going to go wrong

bev : and thIS WILL HAPPEN

mike : stop bullying bev

mike : we love bev

the offender : we do love bev

toaster : ily but ur spelling is a mess sweetheart

bev : toaster was 

bev : auToCoRReCt

toaster : i forgive u bc of ur random capitalisation

the offender : i swear bev not you too

bev : only when it’s necessary stanley

the offender : okay 

the offender : okay i can deal with that

billbo baggins : do one random caps message

the offender : no

toaster : yes

the offender : no!

billbo baggins : please

the offender : no way

billbo baggins : for me?

billbo baggins : *puppy dog eyes*

the offender : do not do that to me

the offender : he’s doing this in real life 

the offender : this is an attack of my personal mindset

toaster :  **[billdoingpuppydogeyes.jpg]**

bev : thats cute

ben : omg look at him

eddie : wait is that bill? 

eddie : bill not being pissed at the world?

eddie : im here

the offender : i guess i have to do it dont i

the offender : yOu are so cUTE

toaster: screenshotted

toaster: printed

toaster : framed

toaster : hung on my bedroom wall

toaster : posted to my instagram

toaster : my header on twitter

the offender: bane of my existence

billbo baggins : i love you

the offender : :-(

billbo baggins : :-)

the offender : :-/

billbo baggins : :*-)

the offender : :-|

billbo baggins : <3 :-)

the offender : <3 :-)

mike : what did i just witness

toaster : thats love bitch

mike : *high fives richie*

the offender : did you guys just quote a-

toaster : yes, yes we did

mike : and we’re very proud

bev : its still 5am why is eddie the only sane person in this groupchat

toaster : i beg to disagree

bev : shut up

toaster : oUCH

mike : im awake because i have farm work to do

toaster : im awake just bc im awake

the offender : im awake because richie’s awake

billbo baggins : im awake because stan’s awake

ben : can you all shut up and talk in the private groupchat we all know you totally have

toaster : what

toaster : nooo

toaster : of course not

the offender : yes we do but that doesnt mean we dont love you just as much

the offender : we just need to keep richie in check sometimes the same way bev does sometimes

toaster : not true

billbo baggins : sorry rich but its true 

toaster : :-|

bev : also can you stop giving those things noses

toaster : nO

billbo baggins : no whY

billbo baggins : they need to breathe somehow honey

the offender : i do it bc bill does

bev : they dont need to breathe through their mouthes they have noses

bev : wait

bev : they dont need to breathe through their noses they have mouthes

toaster : nO YOU SAID IT

toaster : thEY DONT NEED TO BREATHE THROUGH THEIR MOUTHES BC THEY HAVE NOSES

toaster : the truth speaKeR aGrEeS

billbo baggins : haHahAHAHA

the offender : woah you actually agreed

bev : shUT UP

billbo baggins : no

bev : afsgdguyfrthdui

toaster : JSFTGFYUHYDUKFD

billbo baggins : shgyrygtdgfyghr

the offender : bev i appreciate your keyboard smash

toaster : bill urs is so ugly

billbo baggins : urs is uglier

toaster : is not

billbo baggins : is too

toaster : is fuckin not

billbo baggins : is fuckin too

the offender : stOP

toaster : he ranDOM CAPSED

billbo baggins : im so proud of my bby

the offender : i didnt even mean to do that

toaster : we dont care

billbo baggins : you still randomed caps

bev : okay thats it if you guys dont shut the hell up in the next five minutes i will walk my ass all the way to stan’s house and kill all of you

 

**10:00am**

 

toaster: is it safe?

bev : no y’all woke me up at fucking 4am y’all can suffer the consequences

toaster : ugHHHH

 

**2:00pm**

 

bev : good morning my beautiful friends

bev : except richie stan and bill

toaster : you love me

bev : no i dont

bev : maybe if u bought me cigarettes

toaster : already done hun

bev : i

bev : love you

ben : y’all are still smoking

eddie : seriously guys?

eddie : smoking could actually kill u this is srs

toaster : u wouldn’t care :-))

bev : richie thats too far

eddie : :-/

eddie : could you stop being pissed at me now like that would be great

toaster : not until u apologise

eddie : whAt foR

toaster : exactly

toaster : you dont have a clue and its pissing me the fuck off

toaster : stop acting like u fucking care its making things worse

eddie : i broke up with jacob you asshole!

toaster : why the hell did you do that

eddie : because im not quite that blind

eddie : ice cream shop in 5 minutes, stat

toaster : okay??

  
  


**_eddie_ ** **and** **_toaster_ ** ,,  **5pm**

 

toaster : are we going to tell them?

eddie : not yet

eddie : i wanna see if they’ll figure it out

toaster : giving them a challenge i like it

eddie : i also wanna say im sorry again bc 

eddie : i didnt know you liked and i thought you never would but i didnt

eddie : like jacob like that???

eddie : i loved you too much

eddie : still do

toaster : i love you too

toaster : im sorry too for 

toaster : y’know being a fucking asshole

eddie : how many times have you apologised today?

toaster : not enough

eddie : me neither

toaster : lets just start over, like we said at the ice cream shop

eddie : yeah like we said at the ice cream shop

toaster : <3

eddie : <3

  
  
  



	11. anygays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mike : okay let me get this straight
> 
> eddie : gay  
> mike : what???  
> eddie : ur like the only straight person here so like  
> ben : hello?  
> eddie : and ben  
> edie : okay let me get this gay  
> eddie : no?  
> eddie : okay that will be all

**eddie is not his name xD**

 

toaster : sO

billbo baggins : don’t even try

bev : we figured it out shitbags

eddie : what did u figure out

ben : yeh im rlly confused

mike : ben get w/ the program srsly

toaster : how do u even-

eddie : still have no idea what u guys r talking about

billbo baggins : as you all know richie has no way of keeping his mouth shut

eddie : i have an idea what u guys r talking about

billbo baggins : and obviously since he’s like living with stan

the offender : he told me

the offender : while i was on the phone with bill

the offender : who was for some weird ass reason was with bev and mike

the offender : and ben’s now confused 

ben : still confused

toaster : wElP

eddie : me and richie fixed things

ben : i get it 

ben : i understand now

ben : congrats!

toaster : woAHza

toaster : y’all know now so like

toaster : do u guys know how fuckin pretty eddie is i s2g

toaster : like look at him

bill : he’s not as cute as stan

toaster : fite me

bill : gladly

the offender : are they fighting over-

eddie : yes yes they are

mike : i wanna date someone

toaster : i wanna date eddie

toaster : oH wAiT

bev : hold up what about jacob

eddie : um well technically

eddie : i ‘broke’ up with him but like

eddie : we weere not rlly dating in the first place

the offender : you mean richie didn’t get out of bed for 5 whole ass days because you had a fake boyfriend

billbo baggins : what the

billbo baggins : eddie explain

ben : pls

mike : i think we deserve this

toaster : you never??

toaster : told me this??

eddie : okay okay look

eddie : i was like head over my heels for rich 

eddie : still am

eddie : but i didn’t think he liked me back and it was all ugh

billbo baggins : i knew this information

eddie : bill told me he did like me 

toaster : how did u know that

billbo baggins : everybdy knew richie

the offender : and i told him

billbo baggins : true

toaster : uGH

eddie : anygays

stan : anyways*

eddie : i said what i said 

billbo baggins : QAFGSHGDFGYGGX

toaster : that was an ugly fucking keyboard smash

toaster : hold up

toaster : JSJSJSJSJSJSJ*

billbo baggins : no 

billbo baggins : ASDGHJFRCTRGDU*

toaster : no

toaster : JSJSHYFUJUDJSJSJSHFUI

billbo baggins : but thats ugly

bev : gUYS

bev : eddie is trying to tell a story

bev : so shut up

toaster : sorry mom

billbo baggins : sorry mom

eddie : tHanK U BeVerlEY

bev : now tell us

eddie : then like, i didnt believe bill and he was like i bet u could do anything and it’d prove richie lvoed u

eddie : loved*

billbo baggins : oh shIT WAS THIS MY FAUKT

toaster : whos keyboard smash is ugly nOW HUH

eddie : no no no bill meant like something sexual im assuming

billbo baggins : i meant like hold his hand but along tjose lines yes

toaster : woah man i love you

billbo baggins : love you too bro

toaster : bro

billbo baggins : bro

the offender : im trying to read eddie’s can you guys please express your brotherly love elsewhere

toaster : srry due

billbo baggins : sorry stanny ily

the offender : ily2

eddie : soft

eddie : but like yh thats what he meant

eddie : i took it the wrong way and was like

eddie : “hmm maybe if i get a fake boyfriend richie’ll get jealous and i’ll know if he likes me or not”

eddie : so i went to jacob and was like “dude will u be my fake boyfriend” and he ofc said “sure”

eddie : now were here

toaster : yOu WaNtEd tO MakE ME jeaLOIS

toaster : it worKED

bev : wowza that was one of ur worst ideas my friendo

billbo baggins : pls never take my advice wrong again thanks

toaster : the hand holding would’ve worked

eddie : dgfhtyrjfujghgujiuh

toaster : eddie i love you so much my lil cinnamon apple but

toaster : that keyboard is uglier than mine and bill’s combined

billbo baggins : true

mike : okay let me get this straight

eddie : gay

mike : what???

eddie : ur like the only straight person here so like

ben : hello?

eddie : and ben

edie : okay let me get this gay

eddie : no?

eddie : okay that will be all

toaster  i think ur funny love

the offender : he’s sat on the bed staring at his phone with a blank face

toaster : doesn't mean i dont think its funny

billbo baggins : im laughing

toaster : he is

the offender : he is

eddie : ASGFDHUERYUEJSJSJSJSJSHGDFERU

toaster : never mix mine and bill’s keyboard smashes together again

billbo baggins : yh thats uglier than urs

eddie : i-

eddie : stan how deal with this

the offender : i dont

 

**reddie support group**

 

bev : can we talk about the fact reddie became canon thanks

billbo baggins : plEASE

ben : honestly ik im not active in the groupchat but

ben : I’M

ben : l i v i n g

ben : for this content

mike : rt

 

**mike, mike and the eggos**

 

pickle : i cant be adopted my mrs byers

willich : what

willich : why explain

pickle : if i get adopted by mrs byers that incest

willich : not technically

pickle : idc legally it would be incest and i’d love to keep dating you

pickle : bc i love you

pickle : i can just move in my parents can go fuck themselves

mike : what about richie

mike : he’s just had all the stuff w/ eddie and i think he needs stability and like

mike : he’ll get that w/ the uris

mike : but

pickle : he’s never going to go bc eventually i’l have to go back to our parents

mike : exactly

el : dont tell him then

pickle : i cant lie to him el

el : sure u can

pickle : no i cant

pickle : friends don’t lie remember?

el : our number one rule of course

el : but richie’s your brother

el : and its to help him right

willich : technically its lying for a good cause

willich : it would help richie

pickle : what about when he’s with the uris’ huh

pickle : and i have to tell him i’m not with you

willich : but you are

willich : you’ll just have to go home for social service visits

mike : it’ll be fine mike

mike : are we rehearsing next week bc ik we’ve had loads of snow days but we’ll be bacl on mondauy

willich : i guess

wristrocket : yh

pickle : see u guys monday

mike : you’ll be fine mike

mike : if i were you i’d talk to bill and stan, they’ll know what to do

pickle : thnx mike

 

**_pickle_ ** **and** **_billbo baggins_ ** **and** **_the offender_ **

 

**_pickle_ ** **changed the gc name to** **_the offending pickle baggins_ **

 

pickle : i need to ask u guys something

the offender : sure

billbo baggins : shoot

pickle : i was thinking maybe we could meet at the park or somethin

billbo baggins : okay?

the offender : ofc we’ll be there

the offender : is this about richie?

pickle : yh

pickle : see you in half an hour?

billbo baggins : half an hour, got it

 

**_billbo baggins_ ** **and** **_the offender_ **

 

billbo baggins : holy fuck

the offender : he just wants to talk about richie bill we can keep our calm for richie

billbo baggins : we’ve never hung out alone with him before

billbo baggins : this is a step forward stan

the offender : he and richie are going through so much shit now isn’t the time

billbo baggins : i know

billbo baggins : but we can help them

the offender : of course we’re going to help them

billbo baggins : i love you so much stan

the offender : they’re going to be fine

billbo baggins : how did you-

the offender : i just know okay?

the offender : they’ll be fine because they have us

the offender : richie and mike have so many people around them that love them and yeah their parents are a eice of shit but they’ll be fine because they have us

the offender : mike has el, dustin, lucas, will, all the byers, mike h and us richie has eddie now, he has bev, he has ben and he has mike h and he has us okay? 

the offender : they have eachother too

billbo baggins : i know

billbo baggins : they’ll be fine

the offender : they’re always fine

the offender : in the end

billbo baggins : promise?

the offender : i promise

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay y'all know the whole "they'll be fine" thing is like the radar for more drama right? also y'all nearly got me to 3000? like actually as i post this im on 2691 and like woah. i love you guys so much asghdcryhf
> 
> okay i hope y'all enjoyed this and i'm hopefully gonna start posting more often!
> 
> sam xoxo


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